I’ve let myself go. I hate myself for this. I said never again would I let my addiction to food get the better of me. But then I had surgery…10 pounds….and went on leave of absence another 20! Now I am so far from being me I just want to scream, literally.
What is worse is, that it is difficult to get a handle on my eating when I have to feed my kids. If it were not for them I would never eat. I do not get hungry, really. Besides, I love the feeling of hunger pangs, it lets me know I am on the right track. Not only that, I do not wish to instill in them this defect I have.
Today I had my coffee, however, the Ex came over and we went Christmas shopping for the kids. I knew he would want to eat… I skirted the issue as long as I could. Then he wanted food… so I opted for Jasmine Rice with grilled veggies. That cant be too bad right? When we got back to the house and the kids wanted food, he drove thru Green Burrito/Carls Jr. I was good and only got a Diet Coke.
But now, making Christmas Cookies for the kids, it is hard. I am making Almond cookies… my absolute favorite! I broke down and ate one two. Then I proceeded to try and make an inventive recipe of Rose Water cookies…. thank god they tasted like shit. The bite I took I promptly spit out!
I need to get on the treadmill and burn!
